Little Red Rabbit (Improved Version)

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I'm whatcha might call a Pokémon fanatic. I have what must be a million cards (no doubles), many figurines and plushies, and I own or have owned all of the games at some point or another. I've owned and trained every Pokémon available, even the event exclusive ones thanks to a lotta bribin'. Well, all of 'em 'cept two. One very, very simple Pokémon that isn't uncommon in Eterna forest, and its evolution.

Buneary and Lopunny.

Those two Pokémon are my favourites ever, but whenever I encounter Buneary it either faints, knocks out all my Pokémon or I run outta Pokeballs. The darn thing hates my guts, and I have no idea why. And of course, the only way to get Lopunny is evolvin' Buneary. And before yuh ask, I never trade for a Pokémon if it's available in-game - That seems like cheatin' to me.

Plus, I'll get more satisfaction from catchin' it myself the natural way. It had been ages since my last try at catchin' one, so I thought I'd have another shot at it. I took my DS and copy of Pearl, grabbed my level nineteen Blissey, and dragged its butt over to Eterna forest. I met Wurmple, Cascoon, and Budew galore, even a few Dustox, and pummelled 'em all with Blissey's Hyper Beam. But there were no Buneary. I musta searched for hours without success. Finally I sighed, and decided to give up. But as I was leavin', guess what came outta the grass?

Buneary. But not just any Buneary. I watched the shinin' stars twirl 'round her, fascinated by the pink cotton fluff on her body. I musta sat there in amazement for at least ten minutes, just starin'. Eventually I pulled outta my stupor - God, it was a FREAKIN' SHINY! I had to catch it! But I knew that Blissey would knock it out in a hit... and shoot. I had only had one Great Ball. Betcha million bucks I wouldn't catch it with that. Well, here goes nothin'...

One roll.

Well, that was a good start. Two rolls. It'll do three and break free. Just watch. Three rolls. Collective sigh on three, people! One, two...

"Gotcha! BUNEARY was caught!"

EH? I... I caught it! I really caught it! Not only that, but it was a shiny! Oh, I was so happy right now, I could scream. In fact, I did. Very loudly. I lovin' poured over every detail of my favourite Pokémon, her cotton candy fur, her widdle button nose and big, shiny eyes. She was the cutest little thing that ever did exist. I named her Dawn. I simply couldn't wait to evolve her to a Lopunny.

I started trainin' her straight away in that very area. She was very strong, unusually so for a Buneary. Within half an hour she had reached level thirty and loved me to pieces and I loved her just as much.

I happily fought the last Pokémon I needed to beat for Dawn to level up - her happiness was at maximum, so that meant that she would be evolvin'. I'd finally have my Lopunny! One last Jump Kick, and my foe, Dustox, was no more. I jittered in my seat as the evolution screen came up. Only a few seconds left...

"Dawn doesn't wanna evolve!"

What!? Why?! ...Hang on a second. Pokémon can't choose whether or not they evolve. That's ridiculous. I tried again several times, but she just wouldn't evolve. I felt a sigh escape me as I looked back at Dawn. Oh well. I could always train another.

I looked around for another Buneary, and found one within minutes. Just a regular Buneary, male this time. I caught him easily, but it held no thrill like before. I felt nothin'. Breathin' out a sigh in disappointment, I named him Steven and set about gettin' him up to max happiness. But I just couldn't get into it. I huffed in anger and shut the DS down, plannin' to get back to it in a better state of mind. However, I was still in a foul mood the next mornin' when I began trainin' again. After many long LONG hours of half-hearted levelin', I finally got my Lopunny. But it bought no joy. I had really wanted Dawn to be my precious shiny Lopunny.

I don't know why I was so fussed, to be honest. I'd had plenty of shinies before, so I barely payed a blind bit of notice to them now. But... Dawn was special. She had come out just for me.

Wait, stop. Reverse. Come out for me? What was I sayin'? She was... no, IT was a mass of pixels on a tiny screen. It couldn't 'come out' for anyone. Oh well; best to put these strange thoughts outta my mind. I left it a few days before I played Pokémon again - I was completely swamped with homework, as I had been spendin' all my time trainin', then I got HeartGold.

It was such an amazin' game - I loved the way your Pokémon wandered behind you, interactin' with the environment. It was a joy to play and I had it finished within a week. First thing I did after that? Transfer my Pokémon from Pearl to HeartGold.

I had missed my generation four team and eagerly welcomed 'em back. Then I remembered my wonderful Steven. I immediately grabbed him out of the PC and set him first in my party. Oh, what a joy it was to have him leapin' behind me! But... the joy only lasted a few seconds before a depressin' feelin' came over me. Steven... wadn't right. He wadn't who I needed to see.

I ran to my PC and planned to put him back, but somethin' inspired me to turn and talk to him.

"Steven is feelin' dizzy!"

Wait, what? His HP was full. Pokémon only felt dizzy if they had really low HP. I talked to him again.

"Steven is clutchin' his chest in pain!"

That was not a set line. I knew all of 'em. What the hell was goin' on with my Pokémon?! I felt concern blossomin' in my chest, and tapped A again. I had to know what was happenin'.

"Steven keeled over!"

Oh my god, seriously, what was happenin'?! His overworld sprite had actually fallen to its knees, no longer followin' me. Panic rushed through my veins. I quickly ran over to Nurse Joy, beggin' that somethin' could be done about him.

"Hello there! Welcome to the Pokemon Center. We restore your Pokemon to full health. Would yuh like to rest your Pokemon?"

"Yes, freakin' YES!" I shouted in panic.

"Heal Steven!"

"Okay, I'll take your Pokemon for a few seconds."

Yes, please, please help him... My Lopunny... Nurse Joy turned back to me.

"I'm sorry. Your Lopunny seems to have had a heart attack. I'm afraid he didn't make it."

No... no. That can't be true. Pokémon don't die... Do they? I checked my party and Grovyle was first in my party - Steven had gone. I felt crushed. My only ever Lopunny was... dead.

It was then I remembered who was supposed to be my Lopunny - Dawn. My precious shiny Buneary. I could remember not evolvin' her for some reason... Heh, guess I'd do it now. I grabbed her from my PC, but I couldn't stop myself from lingerin' on her summary screen. She was so perfect, so amazin', so special... Time to evolve, Dawn.

As we were walkin', I tried to recall the reason for delayin' her evolution. I had no idea why I hadn't done it. Thank god she was only 10 XP points away from levelin' up, so after the destruction of one Ratata I was on the edge of my seat, waitin' for it eagerly...

"Dawn doesn't wanna evolve!"

... Damn. Now I remembered. Every single time I tried to evolve the little devil, she just refused blatantly. Oh well, no use whippin' a dead horse. I kept her in my party, first place. I talked to her so often that I probably said more to her in an hour than I said to anyone else in my life in a whole week. But, of course, people grow and change. I found a wild Mareep in the tall grass near Violet city; and it was SHINY. Oh, it was so pink and fluffy and... and I just had to have it! I sent out Dawn and promptly ordered her to use Swagger as I knew an attack would knock out the Mareep instantly.

"Dawn ignored orders! Dawn used Jump Kick! The wild MAREEP fainted!"

Now THAT should not have happened. I had all sixteen badges, so Pokémon should obey me at any level. Heck, Dawn was only level sixty three, too! This certain event really ticked me off. I immediately turned to her - maybe something she had to say would explain her crazy behaviour.

"Dawn is stampin' her feet and whinin'."

What is with all these wacko lines? And why the temper tantrum? "Alright, little missy, start explainin'." No, I don't care that I'm talkin' to a game. I do that all the time. Gimme a break. I spoke to her again.

"Dawn is snugglin' your hand."

Aw, how cute. "Don't think this gets yuh outta this," I stated sternly. Without a prompt, new text began to scroll.

"Dawn is lickin' your hand."

The hell? That wadn't a set line. Oh, god, I dunno why I'm even SURPRISED anymore.

"Dawn bit your hand!"

"YOWCH!" I dropped the DS as a sharp pain suddenly flourished in my flesh. I squeezed my hand tightly, rubbed it, even tried bangin' it on the wall but the pain would not go away. I turned back to the DS to see the avatar strugglin' on the spot, runnin' but goin' nowhere. Bracin' my teeth, I pressed A again repeatedly.

"Dawn is holdin' tightly and won't let go!"

"Dawn is grinnin' 'round its mouthful."

"Dawn is chewin' softly!"

"Dawn likes the taste!"

"Dawn would rather eat yuh than lose yuh!"

She would rather...!? This Buneary was wrong in the head. No two ways about it. I tried mashin' the buttons to get away from her, but the pain only increased tenfold the more I tried. When I finally gave up hope and was about to press the power to escape, a new window opened.

"Dawn released your hand."

Ah, that was much better. I had almost forgotten what no pain felt like. I felt really uncomfortable, just sittin' there, waitin' for somethin' to happen. It never even crossed my mind to try the controls. Eventually Dawn jumped up and down happily, the smilin' face appearin' above her head.

"Dawn has a secret to tell yuh."

Here we go... What would a psycho Buneary wanna tell yuh? Despite my logic, I found myself leanin' in slightly.

"Dawn wants yuh to come closer."

So I leaned closer. I don't know why, it just felt... better.

"Dawn still can't reach your ear~~"

I was now so close to the DS my nose was almost touchin' the screen. I saw somethin' silver flash behind Dawn's back... What was that?

"Master, I love you... hehehe!"

I felt fear flow throughout my body as the high-pitched, sing-song voice echoed from the speaker. The object behind her back was growin' clearer, but I still couldn't make it out.

"I won' let anyone else have yuh... lul eks dee!"

That gigglin'... it was enough to turn the bravest man in the world into a pile of jelly. I was nowhere near brave, so you can imagine how I was feelin' right now. Wait, behind her back..! That was a...!

"Master..."

Suddenly, I felt a sharp, piercin' pain shatter my very core. I gasped in surprise, but it wadn't much of a gasp - My breath would not come. I choked and spluttered for air, drawin' only a tiny bit in at a time. I felt somethin' warm and wet all along the front of my chest, and looked down to see somethin' silver, shiny, and phillip-headed stickin' out of my chest.

Adrenaline rushed through me, but it came too late. As my life blood poured and my consciousness slowly slipped away, I could see the faint outline of Dawn on the DS screen. Her eyes were wide and white, rimmed with black, and black tears runnin' down her face.

She smiled manically, showin' sharp teeth and brandishin' a blood-stained screwdriver as she whispered softly, almost musically, "We'll be together forever... Master... lalala!"

So yeah, long story short, I was pretty hopped up on shit I shouldn'a been that whole time.

Few minutes later, my momma came bangin' on the door screamin', "Dixie! What in tarnation are yuh doin' in there?!" Then she bust the darn thing open, gasped, and started screamin' again, "JESUS, MARY, AND JOSEPH! EARL, GET UP HERE! DIXIE DONE GONE AND STABBED HERSELF WITH A SCREWDRIVER!"

So my momma and deddy plopped me in the backseat of our truck and headed on down to the doctor's office. The wound wadn't nearly as bad as it looked, so they patched me up real quick and sent me back home about an hour or so later.

Then I got the verbal lashin' of my life. I bawled my eyes out as if my deddy'd done took his belt off and whipped me. I felt like the stupidest darn gal in the world right then.

So I promised myself I'd never do any of them drugs ever again, and so far, so good.

As for Dawn and them, I dunno if they were even real; I smashed my DS with HeartGold still inside it while flailin' around, and kicked my Pearl cartridge smack into the wall.

I got replacements eventually and caught every single Pokémon in both Pearl and HeartGold, shinies included. I even named my new shiny Buneary Dawn and evolved her into a Lopunny. But no more wacko crap ever happened and I'm sure goddamn glad about that.